I’ve been putting it off for a few weeks now. Dealing with my garage, I mean. We are blessed to have an internal access garage here, and one side of it is meant to house our family car. I say meant to, because it’s probably been six months since our car actually graced the garage with its presence. We park just outside it, and weave through the maze to get to and from it.
Maze, you ask? Let me paint a bit of a picture for you. Our garage is where every single shoe in the house gets tossed (at least, that’s how it feels… and looks, most days – I’m convinced my three children must have each grown through at least three shoe sizes recently. And yes, today’s photo is an actual glimpse of a tiny fraction of our garage mess!). It houses my personal library of books and resources on shelves and cupboards along the walls. It has stored furniture for family on occasion. It’s where our countless reusable bags end up (usually forgotten when we actually need them, of course – does anyone else constantly have that problem?!).
It’s a bit of a workshop and storage site when hubby is doing work outside. It’s always been my landing-zone for anything I’m getting rid of, or planning to sell, and has generally resulted in an accumulation of random bits and pieces. At the moment, there’s even a huge family photo frame down there, laying in the middle of the garage floor because its glass ended up smashed when my pantry door fell off last month (believe me, that’s a whole ‘nother story) and we need to figure out how to dispose of it!
So right now, it’s a mess.
And I decided I wanted to put up the table tennis table. (We used some of our homeschooling allowance to purchase a secondhand one last year, intending to put it to good use. So far… not so good!) But… mess.
Which got me to thinking.
How often do we focus on the end result, without taking stock of the progress we’ve made so far, no matter how small it has been? I went downstairs just before, to try and rally myself to tackle the maze of mess. And found myself, instead, just looking.
I realised that every single item there – no matter how haphazardly it had landed – told a story. Each strewn shoe had landed there following a trip out, and back home again. The ladder reminded me of the hole in our ceiling that is defying all of hubby’s hardworking repair attempts. The piles of books told of a shelf that I had removed from our lounge, just before lockdown, to cull our collection. The wood chipper near the roller door spoke of countless hours hubby has spent dealing with the hedges around our property.
So, you might laugh, but what did I do? I snapped a few photos, turned around, pulled the door shut behind me, and came back upstairs. Because why spend time tidying the mess, when you can write about it, right?!
I will get to that mess. Eventually. But my last few blogposts have reminded me to choose stillness. To be present. And, today, as the clouds roll in and I can literally see the rain driving towards our side of the hill, I decided that it’s ok to let the mess be. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to tackle the mess from a place of rest. (Because, as crazy as it sounds, when I’m in the right mode, I actually enjoy that kind of sorting and organising!)
But for now, I’m giving myself permission to let that particular mess sit for a bit longer, without getting wound up about it. Perhaps you could say that I’m embracing the stories it brings? We will get the garage clear again, time. We will get that table tennis table back up. Or the car back in. But I’m going to relax my expectations on myself. And next time I look at the mess, I won’t just see what I haven’t achieved yet, but I’ll appreciate the progress that mess shows, all of its own.
Isn’t that so true of life? We can be so quick to recognise our shortcomings, our failures and our mistakes. We find ourselves feeling like we are not measuring up, or simply “not enough” because we see all that we are not, instead of who we are. Because if you’re striving for perfection, then mess just doesn’t measure up. But the phrase “not enough” always begs the question, “not enough for who?” And in my experience, the answer so often comes back to my own high expectations.
So I’d like to ask you: what are you expecting of yourself today? Are you finding ways to experience life with an attitude of rest, of peace, and of stillness? Do you need to adjust your expectations to allow for a little mess?
I’m so thankful that, although I am most certainly not perfect, I know that God’s grace covers me. Through all my weaknesses and failings, I can stop my striving and rest in the strength that He gives. I pray that you would know the same today, and find grace for your soul as you do.
Kristy x
Not sure what this is all about? Learn more about Soul Graces here.
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