mistakes

Knitting is something that I learned when I was young, at a time in my life when I loved to make and create anything with my hands. I don’t recall the exact moment I learned this timeless skill, or even what my first project entailed, but I’m pretty sure that – like many of the handicrafts I tried as a child – it was my Grandma who sat with me to guide the needles and wool at my fingertips.

Fast forward thirty-or-so years (who’s counting, right?) to this week. A friend had offered to teach my three girls how to knit, and I was sure that as I watched, a quick reminder would be enough to jumpstart me. But no. I tried it anew myself (thinking it might return to me as I did) and realised that the years had dulled my memory considerably: nothing at about it felt even remotely familiar!

As I watched my girls grapple with knitting needles and balls of wool, and painstakingly try to follow the correct sequence (through, around, over, off – or was it the other way around?!) I found myself just as muddled as they were. A sense of frustration at my own ineptness rose within me (because, of course, I’m meant to get it perfect all the time, right?) and I fought the oh-so-familiar sense of inadequacy that so often comes with new learning.

Each of my girls tackled the project in their own unique way and as they soldiered on, it was my eldest who made a powerful remark. One of her sisters was about ready to pull out an entire row and start again, such was her – understandable – dismay at the number of dropped stitches.

Hearing her frustration, my eleven year old paused momentarily to look at the uneven rows of her own knitting. “I want to keep mine just like it is,” she said quietly, carefully slipping another stitch off and poking her needle through the next waiting loop, “because I always want to remember what my very first go at knitting looked like.”

In all honesty, I feel like I could actually leave this soul grace right there.

Oh, the grace your soul can experience when you allow for mistakes!

When you give yourself permission to not get everything perfect.

I’m not sure about you, but as a (recovering) perfectionist, this is not something that comes to me easily. It’s a conscious practice, a deliberate choice. Sometimes it’s obvious, like when I tried my hand at knitting after many, many years. Other times it’s not, like the way I berated myself when I tripped over a stool in the hallway, or accidentally smashed a glass on our tile floor.

In lives that can be so busy, and so full, it can be so easy to lose sight of the value of mistakes. Our instant (and completely human) reaction is to get mad at the inconvenience. To rush the mop-up job. To be so aware of the passing of time and all the other “valid” things that we could have been doing instead. Or to avoid the task completely, if it’s not already in our area of expertise.

But what if, instead of viewing our mistakes as inconveniences (even when, in truth, they often are) we view them as an opportunity? To breathe a little deeper, to take a moment to recalibrate, and to let go of the excessive expectations we have on ourselves? No, there isn’t always time for that. But in that exact moment, there’s nothing you can do. It is what it is. So let out the breath you’re holding, release that tension in your shoulders, and stop shouldering the weight of perfection.

In my experience, that’s where God’s grace comes in. I will always fall short. In spite of all the need I see around me, and everything I think I can achieve, I will never get it all right. But when I’m walking in God’s strength, when I’m trusting that He’s got this, then I can do all I can and trust Him to do what I can’t. And that is where true freedom is found.

My daughters were knitting simple squares this week. Their projects so far are slightly uneven, somewhat lopsided and, in some cases, scattered with holes. Some are finished and some aren’t yet, but already, each one tells a story. Likewise, our mistakes weave together to become a part of our story and the finished product is beautiful, unlike any other.

My prayer for you today is that you would experience the grace and freedom that comes when you give yourself permission to make mistakes. May you know the strength that God gives, right where you are, and be able to see a hint of the beauty that’s emerging.

And consider this: what if it’s a beauty that’s not just in spite of your mistakes, but is in fact, because of them?

Kristy x

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